D/s - Does that mean Discipline & Spanking?

Today's mention of another excellent blogging entry? Bonnie's post about the Top Ten Spanking Myths is great!

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I don't think I've ever written about the rules I live by (i.e. the ones I actually try not to break because I don't want to be punished). Chris and I have always had an element of D/s in our relationship and marriage, though it has not always been at the forefront of our lives. I suppose I'm saying that we're not just spankos, and though we've never hidden our inner explorations, we've never been very, well, public about them either. And to a certain extent this is a public forum for us. You might read our blogs and move on, you might know someone with whom we are friendly, you might have met us once or twice, you might have been invited into our home and introduced to our daughter, you might have hugged us, played games (vanilla or chocolate) with us, you might even have been in our wedding party.

All without knowing about the details about the intimate side of our life. Except of course, that we have one.

To some extent that's changing. As our relationship evolves, so do the things we share. And so do my needs. Right now, I need to write, to seek clarification for myself. That I publish such writing in a public forum is new, but so is my desire to be more focused on us, rather than the things around us. I've tried over the last few days to just summarize, but I really think writing down specifics will help us remember them and see how things are changing and growing for us.

Sparkle's Original Rules (the ones still in effect, to recap):

1. Take care of myself. Do not endanger life, limb, or health.
Violations of this rule are determined by Chris and only by Chris. I do not determine if I've violated them as I will say that I haven't.


Consequence: Chris's discretion, but including spanking, spanking, spanking.


2. Ask permission to orgasm. Only orgasm if permission is granted. If permission is not granted... suffer.


Consequence: As often as I've suffered this consequence, I still have trouble writing it down, so just guess, okay?


3. No panties in bed.
Exceptions granted for that special 5 days of the month, when houseguests of other people, and by special request.


Consequence: Coming to bed with them on and being reminded to take them off triggers the punishment, whether I am actually asleep yet or not. I've only violated this rule a couple of times, but as I remember it, I lose the right to wear panties the following day and get a punishment spanking (that is, not a pleasant, blissful one).

Sparkle's New Rules for a New House: (still evolving a little, but we seem to be stabilizing):

4. Keep a hairbrush in the car at all times.
In case I need to brush my hair, you say? Ha!


Consequence: I think it's better if I don't find out, really. I'll just leave the thing in the glove compartment and hopefully he'll forget about it at some future point in our lives.


5. Take your multivitamin every day.
Most recently added! See my recent post titled Confessions.


Consequence: If asked after 10 AM and am unable to confirm that I have indeed taken it, the punishment is a hairbrushing without warmup. At bedtime. Followed by being put to bed whether I'm sleepy or not.


6. After the princess is asleep (and we're alone), take off my clothes, kneel down in front of Chris, and ask him if there is anything I can do for him. And then do it, whatever it is, without fussing.
This is not the actual question. The actual form of the question is much more from the D/s world, and I'm still working on being comfortable with saying it (or I'm discovering, typing it), despite the fact that I'm the one that suggested it in the first place. Now, some of my readers might know that I cannot kneel for long periods of time. Nor does Chris require this. In fact, the one night that I've even had to wait even a minute for his attention I just sat down on my bottom at his feet and waited. And when he was ready I got up on my knees to ask my question.


Chris seems to be enjoying this so far, and while the question-asking part remains difficult, it's a good difficult - that is, it's helping me focus on our marriage and on him instead of on the myriad of other things that could be happening. Yes, it's definitely a significant step toward a D/s lifestyle but neither of us think this is a bad thing; instead, I'm much less stressed, I know he's not 'waiting on me to finish x, y or z' so that we can go to bed or do something together, and he's able to acknowledge both his priorities and make room for mine. Last night, in fact, he told me to go to my desk and work. Actually, he wanted me to do it naked but it is difficult for me to do actual work naked, and I told him this and asked if I could have a blanket. Instead he asked me to wear one of his t-shirts, which I did quite gratefully.


Consequence: Chris's discretion. Let's not find out, okay?


7. Receive permission to wear panties or don't wear them.
This is a daily rule. That is, I can ask in the morning before he leaves for work if I can wear them that day. I can be told yes or no. If no, I can't wear them that day. If yes, I can (until told to remove them or the princess is asleep.) If I forget to ask or don't ask, I can't wear them. We've done this before at a week or two at a time, but the current state of affairs is that the time period is determined by Chris. So from my perspective, that means it is indefinitely in effect, as he prefers that I don't wear them.


Consequence: Chris's discretion. I've forgotten to ask once and wore them anyway. The punishemnt was no panties for two days. "Don't bother to even ask," he said, and I didn't.


8. If asked to show Chris my panties (or bottom) anytime or anywhere, I am to do it immediately. No grousing.
Trusting Chris to only ask at appropriate and/or available times is the key here.


Consequence: Chris's discretion. I don't want to know.




Oh, and did I mention that he bought me amazing birthday presents? A new camera, some philosophy skin care products I've been wanting to try, and other things.


Keep your fingers crossed. We weren't unhappy before - we were quite happy and loving, actually - but being together again and focused on each other is fantastic.


Now if I could just wheedle him into spanking me (I know, I know... wait on his timing) with something besides the hairbrush...