Wrong
The doctor says I am going to scar. That means, of course from my biceps to my wrists on both arms (back and forearm) and on both legs from mid-thigh to ankle (both calves and shins and the back of my knees).
I am not happy about this. Beginning next week I will begin investing in anti-scar cream - the pharmacist recommends Mederma - and vitamin E-based lotion. If anyone has suggestions as to what might be a good lotion/cream or for a better anti-scar cream, I'd appreciate it. Mederma is expensive enough that spending a little more for something that would work better would be all right.
The dead skin from the poison oak is still falling off and peeling in a remarkable and quite icky way from my legs - I'm using Eucerin as a moisturizer nearly everywhere at the recommendation of the doctor, who feels the sores are scabbed over enough (and many of the scabs now gone to just be scar tissue) to moisturize to help the itching.
I can once again sleep naked, although I am still self-conscious about Chris seeing my legs unless it's in a context of seeing that they've improved. In the evenings, after bedtime, I still have permission to wear pajama pants (or I did, right now I'm away from home). A couple of nights last week I dressed up - one night I wore stockings and on the other night I donned knee-high socks.
For my birthday this week, I'm shaving. I'll have to be careful on my right leg but I don't care. The hair, after four weeks of not shaving, is worse than the sores. I would have shaved today but I didn't bring a razor with me.
I'm at my parents with the princess. She's staying for awhile - I'm headed home to Chris tomorrow.
It's obvious I haven't been a great mother this summer. The princess told my mom a couple of times today that the real fun will start once I leave. She also said, quite clearly, that she wished my mom was her mom. I don't think she realized I could hear but I was unreasonably and irrationally hurt, probably because I know how inadquate I've been lately, and how little I've done with her.
I want her to miss me, you know. She misses Daddy already, she says. She can't wait for me to go home though, since I took a nap all afternoon while she played in the sprinklers outside for two hours.
Clearly this entry is an exercise in futility. I cannot compete, especially after the last three weeks.
Still, I won't cry until I get home to Chris. I just won't.
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19 comments:
Geez, Sparkle/Serenity, you've had nothing but terrible news lately. How awful for you.
I know that "no good deed ever goes unpunished," but you are paying a ridiculously exaggerated price for trying to clear brush away from your home so it won't be destroyed by wildfire.
Obviously, I hope the anti-scarring measures are as effective as possible, so you don't spend the rest of your life wearing long sleeves and opaque hose because you're self-conscious about your skin.
As for the Princess, kids say the darnedest things -- at least you don't have to waste a lot of time guessing what they're feeling, they come right out and say it, no regard for subtlety. Remember that grandparents are ALWAYS more fun than parents (unless they're a really sorry excuse for grandparents) because they don't have the same responsibilities. Still, I'm sorry the Princess hurt your feelings, over something that you couldn't prevent, and she can't understand.
Have a really good cry when you get home. You certainly have the right.
Michael
Aww. Kids can be so dang honest that it hurts. But I bet she misses you when you're gone. Kids are so very much 'in the moment' that whoever is providing the fun right then is the new favorite. It changes minute by minute, it seems.
People forget how much moms need wuv! and hugs! and appreciation! and being told they're doing an ace job under crazy circumstances.
Plus, children need to learn (preferably in a non-traumatic way) that their parents aren't perfect. If the princess has had a boring summer & less attention than ideal, she will survive unscarred. Which is more than can be said for poor you.
Hugs!! Wuv!! Nice things!!
I am sorry you are having rough time of it...your summer has been nightmarish and even if your munchkin doesn't realize it you have handled it with more grace than ninty percent of us would...your Princess may whine now but remember that in the long term, she'd have had a far worse off summer if she'd lost her mom...
as for a cream that will work great on scars, go to the phrmcy and ask for a tube of the base cream they mix all their topical anestetics and antihistamines into... IT works great and costs like six bucks.
Hi Sparkle!
I've lurked here for a long time, but never commented.
Let me start by saying that I've been praying for you during your ordeal. I understand perfectly what you've been through. I got tangled up in poison ivy only to fall into poison oak when I was a teenager. Infections soon followed. All over my feet, back, and hands were scarred. I used something very similar to Mederma and St. Ives Intensive Healing. You can't see the scars on my hands at all and the others aren't bad. St. Ives can also be used in place of soap in the shower. It's a whole lot less irritating.
I'm sure the princess didn't mean to hurt your feelings. My daughter chooses her dad and grandma over me all the time. It sucks, but you seem like a really good mom. You'll be back to yourself in no time and showing her a good time again.
Courtney
I am so sorry you are feeling so low. You are NOT a bad Mom but a Mom who is hurt, The Mommy you both know will be back soon. Really, some of keeping sane is allowing this stuff to roll off. Wait till she is 16 and slams her bedroom door screaming "I hate you!!!" My own daughter remembers and now finds it all quite ridiculous,and we are really close. I remember torturing my mother too...sigh. Grandma's get to do and be the fun stuff, but when all is said and done, no one replaces her Mommy..that is, and forever will be you!
I hope you can get some TLC from Chris and feel better soon!
definitely use mederma or something else - even if it feels like it isn't working. It is! Also, keep out of the sun. You have a full year before scarring is permanant so keeping arms and legs covered while you heal is just a blip on the screen.
-a scar haver
Michael, I'm just down a bit. You know, we're really very lucky. Very lucky. Some days I forget though.
kaya, yes, we met my brother & sister-in-law at the airport and immediately the grandparents became second-favorites (they were coming in as I was leaving). Aunt & Uncle are da bomb.
Casey, thanks dear. You know, it hasn't been a boring summer - only a boring first two weeks in July and a mommy who has had to ask for help to entertain her.
mamanoymouse: Thanks! I've tried not to whine too much at home or to my family & friends, so I think most of it has come out on the blog... and thanks for the suggestion.
Courtney: Welcome! And thanks, you're the seocnd person to suggest St. Ives :)
Sara: I told Chris last night that I think it would have hurt less if we'd been battling over something but I thought we'd had a pretty good day and she'd had a great time (even though I hadn't participated much). And yes, now I'm home with Chris and TLC was definitely near the top of the list.
Anony: I've been warned constantly by everyone about the sun and have so far found that I don't have that many long-sleeve shirts that aren't sweaters or heavy winter clothes! It's easier to keep my legs covered... and thanks for the reminder about the time frame.
Paying for peace and healing for you, Sparkle.
Many hugs ....
~ Ellie
I'm another long-time lurker, just wanted to say I feel for you too - we don't have so many poisonous plants over here, but it sounds horrible!
You know you can't take things kids say to heart - the fact that she feels uninhibited to say what she feels means she's getting exactly what she needs from you as a parent. It's when children start self-monitoring and taking responsibility for their parents' feelings that you know they're probably not getting the childhood they deserve (I speak from experience!).
Also, as a mum of a boy not much younger than the Princess, I am hoping that having an intelligent mother with independent thoughts and the courage and ability to express them is potentially a great asset in life. Self-serving perhaps, but if it's right the Princess should benefit in spades!
Hope you feel better soon...
Sparkle, I'm sorry about the scars...that is NO fun. My hubby had a fatty tumor (nothing serious, just a bump)removed from his forehead last year. He has used Mederma and the scar is almost faded! The stuff works, but you have to be deligent about putting it on enough.
As for the mommy thing, I'm sorry it hurt so much. Things like that sting, but in the end, they always come back to mama! This too shall pass!
HUGS!
grace
First of all, it doesn't matter how fabulous the grandparents are, there is no bond like a mother-daughter bond. Just sayin'. :) I think everyone else has been wonderfully articulate with their thoughts, and I especially liked what Sarah in England had to say!
Alright, so I can skip out on the sun warning? :)
You should talk to your dermatologist about a basic skin lotion because apparently many can decrease the effectiveness of the scar treatment lotions.
I was in a pretty bad accident and my teeth went right through my lip and I wiped out the side of my face. I used a variant of Dermatix from my doctor and it worked wonders. It took about two years, but the scars from my teeth are barely noticeable.
Another friend of mine buys MEDscar off the internet and she loves it. I believe that consistent application (even when you don't think it is working too well) is key for the long term success.
I hope you feel better really, really soon!
Lauren
Oh dear...
Much love and prayers for you, body, heart and soul.
Love,
Raven & all (Sweet Miss H was asking about the Princess' Mommy...hoping you are feeling better).
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through such an ordeal with the poison oak. That stuff is horrible!
Your doctor has probably advised you to avoid poison oak like the plague from here on out, but I have some tips if you find yourself needing to clear brush with poison oak in the future. This comes from things we've learned after having had to clear my parents three acres up in the foothills for many years. My husband has gotten poison oak bad enough to need a prescription for Prednisone. We also know a lot of people who have done work brush clearing for conservation purposes and they swear by this as well.
First get Oak & Ivy Tecnu lotion and put on before clearing brush. It's a barrier cream designed to keep the oils from poison oak/ivy from adhering to the skin.
Always dress in long sleeved shirt, long pants, shoes, socks and gloves (no shorts, short sleeved shirts or sandals!). Wear your hair up and wear a hat. In your case I'd also suggest wearing a dust mask. Be sure these are old clothes and shoes that you are willing to throw away afterward (Goodwill is a good place to get clothes for this type of work cheap).
Keep in mind that poison oak can grow as a small plant, a large bush, a tree, or as a vine and remember "leaves of three - let it be" - or at least be really careful handling it :)
When you get done clearing brush, IMMEDIATELY take a shower using Oak & Ivy Tecnu soap. DO NOT WAIT to take a shower later - especially if you have any type of senstivity to poison oak or ivy. The Tecnu soap is specifically designed to cut the oils and it works really well. You can wash clothes with it as well, but I've found it doesn't work that great for that. Best thing to do with the clothes & shoes is bag in a plastic bag as you undress for the shower and throw them away. It's just not worth keeping them and trying to wash the poison oak out.
Don't let pets come with you when doing this type of work either. The oils get on them as well. I've gotten poison oak from both dogs and horses. You can probably use Tecnu to wash a dog, it's not meant for pets so best just to leave them safe at home.
As for the scarring - I'm horribly allergic to insect bites and I don't heal well from the bites. They always turn into sores that last for weeks. Try Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula Massage Cream for Stretch Marks. It has vitamin E, collagen and elastin in it. As everyone else has mentioned - diligent application of whatever you decide to use is the key. It also may help to take vitamin A and vitamin E capsules.
Best wishes for speedy healing!
Thanks for the good wishes and advice everyone. I'm a lot better, but my free time still seems to be spent resting ... only I have so much to catch up on from three weeks of illness that I'm not doing much fun stuff sitting at the computer. *sigh*
I am glad you are doing better. Rest all you need to right now, it will continue to aid in the healing. Hugs, on your daughter hurting your feelings. Kids are so honest.I've read all you do with your daughter and will be able to continue that soon.
Sorry I could not post sooner, but I've been out of town. Two things I hope might help...I have had horrendous poison ivy many times throughout childhood and adulthood, steriods were a given, and never scarred. Ditto the friend who was hospitalized each time she got it. You may, but wait a year before you count on it. I can't tell you how many times the doctors say something like that, and are wrong.
As far as the Princess goes, remember Grandma is supposed to be more fun than Mom. She can do only the fun stuff not the hard part. It is true, however that girls judge their moms more harshly than dads and that this comes with age. At least it did with my daughter who was a very easy, eloquent child otherwise. I think it's just part of them establishing their separate selves in the world. It's off and on for years, did break my heart and drive me crazy, but when she grew up, she saw right through it and was embarrassed. I was embarassed that it had mattered so much to me. Hang in there!
Sparkle,
I'm another lurker. Try Rose Hip Seed Oil. It's easy to find at any good natural shop and is no more than a couple of dollars. It's potent stuff, so anyone reading should use it with caution. I don't recommend in on your face. It's very good on deep scars that make movement difficult.
To the comment by your daughter, I'd have to say congratulations. The more we fair in their innocent eyes, the better I'm convinced we're doing our jobs! There is much to be learned when we are 'taken out' so to speak. Getting quiet can be a tremendous gift for us and our children.
Love your blog. Chris' too. I know he's busy, but razz the slacker up. His blog has been silent for entirely too long!
Best wishes!
~sweetTinGA
Vitamin E oil works, ,but it is absolutely a exercise in consistency and memory. Twice a day for six months is what has always worked for me, when I've been able to keep up with it.
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